Someone once bought me a little trinket box and on the lid was scribed ‘time you enjoy wasted is not wasted time”.
I didn’t really get it. I was in my late 20s, in the corporate world, climbing the ladder of prescribed success. This phrase felt like a riddle, one I had to work out. I couldn’t quite get my head around it. I didn’t realise that at this point in my life time felt poor and yes anytime I laid on the couch infront of the T.V., or taking a slow walk in nature, or taking time to lean into a friend who was relaying their problems- did feel like wasted time. Time I should be spending getting ahead, securing myself, climbing that corporate ladder. I always had a voice of guilt and shame when I did decide to ‘rest’.
“You should be doing something productive, you need to get ahead in life, time is short, don’t be lazy laying here, what are you doing?”
On and on that voice would go so I decided not to take too much time to rest and ‘enjoy’ as resting and enjoyment actually felt quite painful, probably because all the time my mind was chattering, I wasn’t actually resting or enjoying.
It must have been over 7 years later, after a period of time questioning my own existence through the sudden death of my mother and other family members, that I found that little trinket box and looked at it as though looking at it for the first time.
“Time you enjoyed wasting is not wasted time”.
I had a choice. To all of this. This life and how I leant into it, what I wanted it to be and how I wanted to enjoy it.
Suddenly life had more meaning because I realised it was finite. At one point it was coming to an end and actually we never really know when that time would be. So how did I want to spend it?
I started by looking at my life differently, redefining my definition of success, Identifying my values. Finding balance between achieving now to support my future and actually enjoying now. I wanted to get to the end saying ‘that was a great ride!”
Life shifted, I started slowing down, trying to enjoy all the moments of life.
I decided to become deliberate with not just my time but my energy. For instance if I chose to watch T.V. (notice I use the word chose as opposed to fell into) I vowed that I would be deliberate with the programme and I would watch it wholeheartedly. If my mind started chattering, telling me I shouldn’t be there then I would stop, press pause, tend to my chattering mind through one of my emotional intelligence and mind techniques, and then get back to watching that show. Enjoying it wholeheartedly. If I chose to go for a walk, then I wanted to be there, with nature and my senses in the present moment. Enjoying it wholeheartedly and yes if a friend leant in to share something vulnerable I most certainly wanted to choose to be there with them wholeheartedly. All because I decided to choose where I wanted to put not just my energy but my time.
Being deliberate with not just my time but my energy, and the felt experience of living in my body, was the best thing I ever learnt.
As part of creating a deliberate life I started to complete a time tracker called the Wheel of Alignment’ (WOA) each week which was designed based on my values and allowed me to track where I was actually spending my time, not just where my feet were but where my mind was at. It helped me create an aligned life rather than just talking about what I wanted. That wheel of alignment had a category called ‘wasted time’ and I used this to track all the time where I chose not to turn inward and manage my mind and emotions, the times where I was split doing multiple things and not present with anything. The excess rumination and anxiety. I realised that so much time was wasted when I chose not to go inward or manage my mind or my emotions.
I realised through that time tracker that the less time I spent on my wellbeing upfront the harder it was to manage my mind and emotions in the moment and the less I enjoyed life. The more wasted time I had. I therefore made wellbeing a priority, adopted daily techniques for managing not just time but energy (my emotions and energy in motion) and it changed my life.
I instantly had more time to do everything I wanted, and what’s more I started enjoying it all. Even the tedious things. I felt more at one with life, rather than letting life pass me by.
I still go to work, have the hard conversations, feel the emotional expressions, do the tedious things; however I know what I am doing it all for now and that is everything!
